i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
