Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
