If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
