your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
