I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want her autograph on my taint
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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