dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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