My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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