we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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