bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
