No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
