Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
