Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
