i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
