I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
