I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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