What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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