Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
