i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
