tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He? As in you personified your dick?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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