I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
