pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
