i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
