Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
