i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Operation Purity has been aborted
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
