We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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