Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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