I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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