my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
