bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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