You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
