i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
