Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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