is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
