hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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