i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
