how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
