I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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