At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
