blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
