i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
