Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
