Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
