My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
