for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
