hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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