I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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