Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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