i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
