I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
