So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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