so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
