my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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